I Am Going To Hell

The day started out with this song on my iPod: http://youtu.be/Mynzbmrtp9I

It was perfect! In Arizona's dusty desert mountains. Who would have known the song would have gone perfectly with my night.

Sometimes hosts get a little preechie and start talking about God and such... I am a Christian, I may not go to church as much as I should, like the Christian society tells me to, but I am not one to follow societal norms....  BORING!!! I live my life as "oh wells" instead of "what ifs."

There was conversation (sober, mind you) about how all believers are going to be judged by God. God is going to essentially look at your "karma book" and judge you. All your "good" things vs "bad" things (not my take).

He then turned to me,
 Host: "what is a good thing you have done?"
Me:

*crickets* *crickets* *crickets*

I don't know how long the silence was, but it felt like five minutes.

Host: " go on don't be shy"

Me: 

I couldn't think of a single freakin good thing I have done. I am sitting there fighting the laughter back. I had tons of stuff going through my head, but they are all awful things I have done:

-Stealing a mattress with Dobz at 3 am on the way home from a bar

-Breaking up with a girl on her birthday (she deserved it)

-Telling a first date that I would only have a beer or two so I could drive us home, and I ended up blacking out and throwing up all over her car and bathroom (no I didn't drive home)

-Leaving for Europe for two weeks without telling my boss

-Taking sick days to play golf 

-Throwing beer bottles off balconies/roofs/patios, etc

-Going garbage bowling

-breaking TVs in Stephanie chachampas front lawn 

-instigating fights between people (I like to stir things up)

-booing people at karaoke 

-Telling girls that I forgot my wallet at home so they pick up the bar tab (to be fair I haven't had a girlfriend in a long time so this hasn't been used in a while).

-Telling girlfriends I am going to bed so I can get single drunk 

-The list goes on, honestly this is the tame stuff, my friends can easily exploit me a lot worse than this.

At this point I couldn't hold in the laughter.... I don't think I have done a single nice thing in the past couple of years. There was no rebounding from this. The host tried to reassure me, and after I finally settled down from laughing, this is what I came up with:

Me: "well I left on this trip. I bet a lot of people are happy to see me leave. No one has to put up with my antics"

The host just stared at me. He didn't know whether or not to take me seriously or not. Frankly, I didn't have an idea either.